Love’s Going Bananas

Does Monday roll around quicker than any other day of the week? There’s a touch of fruitcake-iness going on here today and this mum is definitely in a Momdaze. Trying to shake it off will probably be a fruitless exercise.

The banana phone is renowned the world over for giving us a glimpse into kid’s imaginations.

If the conversations that have been relayed through the crescent-shaped fruit could be recorded and put into a book I’m sure it’d sell millions of copies.

My offspring would be able to contribute a few humdingers.

Last week Just 3 picked up his banana from the bench. He took it, sat down and started to have an animated conversation. I listened, not sure who he was talking with. After some pauses, where one can only assume the other person was talking, he said, ‘Mummy can’t come to the phone right now. You like to leave a message?’

As he peeled his banana and started to eat it, I said, ‘Buddy, I’m right here. You could’ve handed the phone to me.’

‘They didn’t want to talk to you and I wanted to eat my banana.’

Ah. Out of the mouths of babes.

Image from: here.

I’d Love an Explanation

Please explain love to me.

Life makes me smile and laugh often. Until recently I had just forgotten to listen. Eavesdropping on life’s little moments warms the cockles of the heart.

In the school grounds I heard a child crying. It didn’t sound like the type of cry that’s normally attached to a tantrum. Just crying. Incessantly.

As my boys and I saw the little girl come into sight, we watched as she walked holding her mum’s hand; still crying incessantly. She wouldn’t have been much over 2. Next to her was her older brother who would be about 10. Another boy of about the same age was also walking with them. As we passed there was a brief exchange between the two boys.

‘Why is your little sister crying?’

‘I dunno.’  Pause  ‘Little kids just do that. There’s no other reason. They just do.’

‘Oh.’

Hearing these two young boys discuss the logic or reasoning for the onset of tears made me laugh inwardly on many levels. I wondered if the friend had any younger siblings or whether he, himself, was the youngest. It amused me that ‘just because’ resolved the issue as far as they were concerned and the need to delve deeper was not present. It got me to thinking, if this exchange took place between two girls of the same age would the conversation have been as brief? Would they have gone on to decipher the cry and list all the logical reasons as to why it might be occurring in the first place? Credit to the older brother though, in not identifying this as a trait of little girls-just little kids in general-or did he make an assumption based on his experience?

This simple dialogue is shared between adults the world over. In my mind’s eye I pictured these two boys as men discussing their own children, beer in hand, and the actual spoken words would not change too much from that of a 10 year old boys that they were. On the other hand, we ladies-while sharing a coffee-would list, analyse, dissect, suggest, advise, sympathise and offer assistance.

I’m just a stereotypical mum of two. What would I know?

If anyone has a better explanation, I’d love to hear it.

Kelly ♥

Image from: here.

Can I Use Your Loo, Luv?

There might not be much love in the littlest room in the house but there’s plenty of humour.

Note before reading: Just 3 is still in toilet training mode. The potty is gone and using the big toilet calls for reinforcements. As much of a fan I am of cleaning other people’s urine (the mini Masters’) off the floor I would rather use that time for other endeavours. With this in mind we have invested in two ping pong balls. One is a basketball and the other: a soccer ball. One bobs around in the bowl of each toilet in our home so that no matter which toilet is free or whichever Just 3 is closest to when nature calls he can, ready, AIM, fire! at the ball.

Family had gathered at ours recently for a celebration. During this time beverages of the alcoholic variety were consumed and trips to the smallest room in the house began, myself included. Once they start there is a constant parade of people in and out, flushing, wiping and washing.

Mum pulled me aside after a brief pit stop and politely informed me that she had removed the ball from the toilet thinking that Just 3 had put it in there. I thanked her, explained and then dropped it back in.

I daren’t ask anyone who went into retrieval mode how they completed their mission.

Have you reclaimed something from your own toilet that really wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place? Ever had an experience while at someone else’s home? You might like to add a ping pong ball to the toilet at your next party. Even the Misters like to hit the target, apparently.

Ping pong anyone?

Image from: here.

Mother Lover

In a single moment today,  the next 20+ years flashed before my eyes. Opening with caution, I suspected something might jump out at me. Little did I know that it would contain………..

Until I awoke this morning I had planned to write a wonderful, heart warming post for my mum. It may have only been read by her as the reader would be bombed throughout the day with ‘Mum’ posts but she would be the only must-have reader today.

Instead I opened my eyes to Just 3 and Almost 6 laden with gifts and my OH with breakfast and a cuppa in hand. Surrounded by my family I opened my presents. I marvelled at Almost 6’s choice of gifts from the Mother’s Day stall they’d had at school on Friday. Of course this was bought with our money but, hey, I loved it all the same. I feigned surprise at the new oven gloves, pot holders and jumper I had bought myself. My inner smirk was hiding the fact that Just 3 was with me when I purchased them and did not question why my mouth was agape.

The absolute kicker, which is why I decided to change my post, was the card that Just 3 gave me.

I cried.

I cried tears not of happiness.

I cried tears not from heartfelt love.

I cried tears of laughter.

Shock, fear and the reality of the promise being issued forth rendered me speechless. Everyone joined in the laugh-fest even if they were asking themselves ‘what’s so funny anyway?’

Visions of death-defying stunts flashed through my mind. Visits to the Principal’s office and hospital stays will probably be a given. Girlfriends ringing at every hour of the night and a pisty needing to be picked up on more than one occasion. The police knocking at the door to tell that you’ve done………that’s where I draw the line.

And don’t forget, I may be your mother and will do many eye rolls, deep sighs and cussing over the next 2o years, but I can also give as good as I get.

You ain’t seen nothing yet!

Top 10 Faux Pas of Kids’ Writing

Kids make people laugh on a daily basis. They’re witty without understanding why which makes it all the more thigh-slappingly humorous. Faux pas and writing gaffes by younger students are, by far, the most hilarious.

The Top 10 list includes innocent misspellings of everyday words that turn sentences into somewhat inappropriate expressions. All words have been spelt correctly except the funny word so you won’t need a translator. The italicised sentence are my thoughts upon reading these beauties.

1. The hores galloped through the rain. (horses) I hope they’re wearing their wellies.
2. When we were driving we had to follow the sins. (signs) Are you driving to hell?
3. We had to wait for three nits. (nights) I wouldn’t wait for ONE.
4. My tits got a hole in them when I fell over. (tights) Do new ones cost a lot?
5. I shared my Cock with my friend, Samantha. (Coke) Not touching this one, other than to say it was a gorgeous girl of 5 who wrote this one.
6. Daddy’s shit was blue and white striped. (shirt) Did it come out like toothpaste?
7. My mum is not a moaning person. (morning) Maybe she prefers sleep ins.
8. The race cars went fart around the track. (fast) That would make them noisy and smelly.
9. The lion was really big butt I wasn’t scared. (but) It’s not that end that scares me. It’s the other one.
10. Two great examples for the same word that I could not separate :

Dad likes eating penus. (peanuts) I need penise. (pennies). No comment needed as they are rib ticklers all on their own.

Teaching children aged between 4 and 13 for near-on two decades has taught me a thing or two.

• The English language is far too complicated for any one system to work in assisting students to learn how to read and write.
• When reading back what a young student has written it pays to have them by your side to decipher. This ensures you avoid any… ehem….’misunderstanding’.
• Practising and perfecting a poker face is essential.
• Kids always know exactly what it is they are trying to say/write even if the listener/reader hasn’t a clue.
• Universities should provide, as part of teacher training, a crash course in translation of kid-speak.

If you’ve any other doozies to share please add them below for other readers to giggle over.

A big shout out to Stuff Kids Write for providing me with laughs.

Kelly ♥

© 2013 Kelly Hibbert, all rights reserved.

Image from: here.

Love is the Pits

Making a pit stop for love.

It is customary that my boys and I make at least one trip to the school playground each week after the bell. On our way to the playground Almost 6 tells me how the boys launch themselves from the rail at the top of the slide and land with a thump on their bottoms about half way down. There’s also reluctant confessions about the chasey games they play at break times. While Almost 6 has had ample time to monkey his way across the obstacle course throughout the course of the day, this little pit stop allows Just 3 to tire himself out: climbing, sliding, swinging and jumping and sometimes falling.

Last week I had the opportunity to sit for a couple of minutes while the kids did their thing. I watched from a distance as Just 3 wanted to do everything himself. A little boy, probably 6 or 7, shouted back to his mum, ‘watch me, Mum!’ While turning to smile at the other mother in that knowing way, I thought to myself, ‘make sure you keep watching otherwise you’ll get dragged over hot coals by your son if you don’t see his amazing accomplishment.’ He proceeded to get himself up onto the top of the monkey bars as I’ve watched Almost 6 and thousands of other children do many-a-time. I willed her to show enthusiasm and wide-eyed astonishment when he mastered the manoeuvre he was attempting. ‘Please act like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen such a feat in all your life,’ I prayed. Ok, honestly, I didn’t pray but these little things are so important to our little ones….well I’m sure you get my drift.

Boy then draped his legs over the bar in front of him, placed his hands strategically then lowered his body down between the bars and let go. Hanging upside down, his hair stood on end and his shirt slipped down over his face. ‘Look, Mum! I did it!’ he said triumphantly as he tried to pull his shirt back down (or up depending on which way you want to look at it).

“OW! MY PIT how to categorise S! MUM, IT”S HURTING MY PITS! CAN YOU GET ME DOWN? IT’S KILLING MY LEG PITS!

The other mum’s on her way over while I start to laugh out loud. Leg pits? Well I never!

It’s all I can do to stop chuckling between breaths. I guess in theory this would be a good name for the backs of our knees. We have armpits after all. Why not leg pits? They do get sweaty and they have a kind of hollow to them. Best put deodorant on them after showering in future.

As for the other mother, I’m not sure if she knewmy laughter. I best be careful or Mums will start realising their kids are just fodder for my next piece of writing. I guess I won’t have to worry about being invited for a play date though!

If you’re stuck for things to write about, can I suggest you take your kids to a playground. It’ll be a win/win. Your kids will burn off some extra energy and you just never know what you’ll hear while you’re there. Maybe just don’t laugh too loud.

‘Boys are it.

Chuck ’em in the pit.

All the girls will

kiss them on the lips.’

The pit of love.

Image from: here.

Talk About Love

I love to talk.

As some of you aware I’ve nicknamed Mondays ‘Momdaze’ now.

I’m normally in somewhat of a fog and need a giggle or two to get me through the day. It seems that Just 3 was aware of this fact this morning after we had dropped Almost 6 at school. We arrived home and I was about to commence my happy dance after getting Just 3 out of the car.

He crossed his arms, put on one of his best grumpy faces and stated,

‘I not talking to you anymore Mum.’

Allow me to clarify at this point that I had done nothing to be in receipt of this kind of threat.

My response, ‘Oh well! It’s going to be a pretty quiet day then.’

2 second pause……..’Mum.’

This was my first giggle for the morning. It will be a pretty quiet day here regardless. Hopefully, though, the grumpies will disappear and we can recommence smiles and giggles for the rest of the day.

I’d love to chat but I’m off to find more funnies. I’ll talk to you later. Promise!

Image from: here.

Love the Logic of Kids

I love a logical connection.

Ok folks it’s Monday and I’m not one that likes to exist in a maudlin state. So I’m going to be seeking out the humour to bring you at the beginning of each week. My hope is to leave you smiling on Momdaze. Some will feature from the mouths of my own lovelies, some will be stolen from work and others pilfered from the public at large.

Some people read magazines at the supermarket checkout. I love observing and listening to snippets of people’s lives. Call it eavesdropping or whatever else you may. I refer to it as express lane escapism.

Recently I overheard a conversation between a mum, and what I assumed to be, her son. He would have been between 3 and 4. It went a little something like this:

‘Mum, vegetable oil comes from vegetables doesn’t it?’

‘Yes, they take the oil from lots of vegetables and put it into bottles.’

‘So peanut oil would come from peanuts?’

‘Yes, that’s right.’ (Mum looks pretty proud of her son).

‘And so that means orange oil is squeezed from oranges and olive oil is made from olives?’

‘Uh-huh.’

At this point child begins to cry with such instant force that he attracts the attention of not only his mum. Once he’s in his mother’s reassuring arms he begins to calm enough to ask between sobs, ‘So that means they squeeze all the oil out of babies to make baby oil?’

Image from: here.

Ninja Loves Nappies

No more baby love.

If you were expecting potty training advice or talk of poop and tushies on toilets move along please. This isn’t that sort of post.

I’m renaming Sunday as Funday in my jurisdiction (which probably equates to about 1 gazillionth of the world’s land mass).

Just three has been in jocks for a while now. He’s still in a nappy (diapers for my U.S. friends) overnight at present but my ‘baby’ is no longer that. We have an abundance of nappies due to my fear of ever running out so I thought we’d put them to good use today. Any speak of toilet-related business ends here.

I came into the lounge room where the kids were ‘fighting’ (being Power Rangers or some other such doings) and dumped a load of nappies on the floor. They, of course, looked at me blankly until I stuck one on top of Just 3’s head, did up the tabs and explained that he was now a fighter in a boxing ring. That’s exactly what he looked like with just his face showing! This didn’t stop the fight mentality so I changed tact.

I asked them to come up with different ways to use a nappy. Here’s our top ten:

1. Just 3 went and got a teddy and I helped him to put it on. No need to worry about teddy peeing in the bed tonight.
2. Almost 6 wanted one on his head and decided he was a BMX rider so he rode around the room on his imaginary bike.
3. Next were elbow pads and knee pads for riding a scooter.
4. One wrapped around the wrist inside out was good for a tennis player to wipe the sweat from their brow.
5. We rolled one into a ball, fastened it and used it for a soccer ball.
6. I was given a lovely choker necklace to wear. I was told it could also double as a shower cap if I didn’t want to get my hair wet when taking time for my daily ablutions.
7. We fashioned one on the end of a toy sword to make a golf club. This also alleviated the Power Ranger duelling.
8. On feet they made good snow shoes and would stop your socks from getting wet.
9. Wet, inside out and rolled they were better than water balloons-no bits to clean up. Caution-if they ‘burst’ the clean up is worse.
10. Just 3 ended up looking like a ninja as we attached multiple nappies to his body. He was laughing so much he couldn’t resist.

So if you’re a little bored anytime soon and have a few spare ones left in the back of the cupboard, break them out and have fun. No mess, no fuss.

If you’re after useful uses for leftover nappies head to Instructables by clicking here.

Love your Sunday however you choose.

Image from: here.