Blogtrotter July Tour

There are more people blogging on WP than there are countries in the world to visit. Where do you choose to go first? Do you rely on pot luck, the ‘stumbled upon’ approach or a fool proof system that ensures you only see what interests you?

Armed only with a keen desire to find some great bloggers, I’ve set out to bring together some of my all-time favourites with new and inspiring content.

I’d like you all to meet Stuart Perkins. Unfortunately he was unable to be here but luckily I’ve spent some time over at his blog recently and can give you a bit of a rundown.

You’ve heard of the Dog Whisperer and here in Australia we have a Horse Whisperer too.

Stuart is the Bus Whisperer. He’s from Arlington and writes about the everyday moments and turns them into humorous stories (true). If you choose to drop by, some recent posts include Carol’s rendezvous with a black snake and George’s attempt at bringing a new girl into the fray.

Story Shucker is where you’ll find Stuart and I reckon he’s got a good thing going. Starting only last month, he has seen 257 people follow his blog already and over 4000 hits (if you’re a stats lover).

Now, Brian, the Jogging Dad, would probably rather jog the 4 miles Stuart travels than catch a bus. He’d be all sweaty by the time he got to work and would probably be crossing his legs as he’s not fond of relieving himself on the run. I suggest you don’t ask him what fartlek means and if he is not running away from his parenting duties he performs epic fails by his own admission.

Brian thinks when he runs whereas I’d rather just think about running and hope it has the same effect. He’s funny as and even has a t-shirt with joggingdad.com printed on it. He thinks it’s tasteful but you can make up your own mind. Keep your eyes peeled around Sydney Harbour in case you run into him. Jogging Dad’s been around the blog block for a while and I’ve been running with him in spirit for quite some time now. He’d probably die of shock if he knew I planned to do the City to Bay 12k run in September.

Only today, I found Kahn’s Wise Words. Sharon and Bud Kahn offer a daily quote, saying or inspirational thought. I’d love to have a desk to put one of the those desk calendars on. Being a relief (temp/substitute) teacher means I don’t have a desk to call my own. I can now have it on my laptop screen though, and may use it to inspire me for future posts if my muse goes missing.

When it’s peace I seek and a moment to pause, I drop in to see Laurie at Laurie’s Notes. Since the beginning of this year Laurie has enabled me to seek refuge at her blog and remember to breathe. She employs beautiful images and gentle words to offer comfort, affirmation and healing to her visitors. After reading one of her posts I always feel a sense of calm and that the inner hustle of my thoughts have quietened. It only takes a few moments as Laurie’s notes are always short but profound in their message.

I created the Blogtrotter logo to represent the journey that writers take as they venture around WordPress, knowing that there are no far corners, just endless opportunities and limitless creativity to be found. If you’d like to use the logo on your blog, feel free.

Love your work.

Kelly ♥

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Love Got Off on the Right Foot

….or was that the left?

Ever have one of those days when everything just feels out of whack? Maybe your hair just wouldn’t cooperate this morning or you tried to put the wrong key in the lock? Milk in the pantry maybe or trying to put your pants on before your underwear? Something’s not right but you can’t put your finger on it.

My brain must have been replaced with the contents of a balloon this particular peculiar day.

The three of us had left home to have lunch with my mum. I asked Now 6 to help Just 3 with his shoes to save me 30 seconds and hopefully get us out the door on time.

We met Mum, enjoyed a light lunch and then went into a department store to find a gift for a child’s birthday party. The store was having its annual toy sale which normally means aisles full of boxes and no room to manoeuvre. Going into the depths of the toy section with two in tow without a trolley means anxiety meets hysteria. The unanimous decision, made by me, was to get a trolley.

Just 3’s legs dangled from his prominent position as I promised a stop off at a playground nearby if the two of them could manage to contain themselves long enough for us to get a gift and checkout. Unfortunately Just 3 had consumed half a milkshake at lunch and decided he needed the toilet just as we got to the toy section at the back of the store.

There are no toilets in this store.

Drive trolley like a mad woman to store entrance.

Offload precious cargo.

Forehead beaded with sweat, I made a dash with two attachments to the toilets.

Everybody pee consecutively.

Back to store.

Back in trolley.

Back to toy section.

Right-y-o.

Arriving at the playground after having unsuccessfully completed our mission, Just 3 steps out of the car and prepares to take off for the equipment.

It is then, and only then, that I look down at his feet for the first time today.

‘Sweetheart? Do your feet feel funny today?’

‘Um, no.’

‘Your shoes are on the wrong feet. Don’t they feel funny?’

‘…..No.’

‘Come here and sit down. We need to put them on the right feet otherwise you’ll probably fall over.’

My son doesn’t need any more excuses to trip over. He does well enough all on his own.

He may well have two left feet so his feet didn’t feel funny at all.

Only one foot did.

Image from: here.

Love is in the Wind

Love is not a virgin on the Guest Blogger scene anymore. I did the deed over at Merbear’s this week.

A Pot of Love at Rainbow’s End

A Rainbow of Love

Mother Nature produced a spectacular display in this neck of the woods recently.

Not being one who particularly likes rain, I shifted my focus towards the blue sky in the east.

Unfortunately we were headed west which looked grey, dark and miserable except for the majestic rainbow that had materialised in front of us.

As I drove Just 3 to our first stop, Now 6 and I talked of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

We neared our destination and I said, ‘Look! The rainbow ends right on top of the roof at childcare. Maybe the teachers know where the pot of gold is.’

Now 6 chimed in with a positive comment concurring with my suggestion.

The talk of rainbows and the illusive treasure ended as I hustled Just 3 through the drizzle, without the aid of an umbrella, in through the front door.

The formality of hugs and kisses over, I made the dash to the car and Now 6 and I continued to our second stop.

School drop off completed, I headed for my final destination-work.

Reverse the above scenario of stopping and starting until finally arriving home in the afternoon.

At the dinner table that night we all talked about our respective days as is customary when we all spend it in different places. After hearing recounts of everyone’s activities, highlights and plans for the following day, Just 3 had one more thing to add.

‘I asked the teacher today about the pot of gold.’ With eyebrows raised, palms up and a shake of the head, he said, ‘She didn’t even know where it was.’

Love those golden moments.

Image from: here.

Love’s Going Bananas

Does Monday roll around quicker than any other day of the week? There’s a touch of fruitcake-iness going on here today and this mum is definitely in a Momdaze. Trying to shake it off will probably be a fruitless exercise.

The banana phone is renowned the world over for giving us a glimpse into kid’s imaginations.

If the conversations that have been relayed through the crescent-shaped fruit could be recorded and put into a book I’m sure it’d sell millions of copies.

My offspring would be able to contribute a few humdingers.

Last week Just 3 picked up his banana from the bench. He took it, sat down and started to have an animated conversation. I listened, not sure who he was talking with. After some pauses, where one can only assume the other person was talking, he said, ‘Mummy can’t come to the phone right now. You like to leave a message?’

As he peeled his banana and started to eat it, I said, ‘Buddy, I’m right here. You could’ve handed the phone to me.’

‘They didn’t want to talk to you and I wanted to eat my banana.’

Ah. Out of the mouths of babes.

Image from: here.

Show Me the Love

Show and share the love.

On Momdaze it’s difficult to think creatively, write about current issues or delve deep into my psyche and bring forth something worthy of discussion. With this in mind, I bring you humour at the beginning of the week.

The day will come when I, as a parent, am told something I was totally unprepared to hear by my child’s teacher.

Until that day comes, I feel it is only right, if not my duty, to share one of those moments that I had as a teacher which had me giggling and then cringing.

This story is almost folklore in the school that it happened at over ten years ago. Innocence met a bunch of hidden truths and learned a valuable lesson.

Show and tell (a.k.a news time, show and share, sharing time, news, etc.) takes place at schools across the globe every day of the school calendar. Kids bring in something they’d like to talk about in front of their peers. Sometimes they just share news of current events from their own lives. It fosters confidence in oral language skills and speaking in front of an audience.

The kids were gathered on the carpet and two had already had their turn this particular morning. Adam brought a paper bag to the chair at the front and was ready to start.

After greeting everyone he pulled $500 in notes from inside the bag.

‘This is my Dad’s money. He had it hidden under his side of the bed at home. I saw him put it in there and he told me he won it on the horses. He asked me not to tell Mum because she thinks he just loses all the time.’

While the children oohed and aahed at the large amount of money being waved in front of them, my eyebrows were trying to come back down from hiding in my hairline.

Adam finished his turn and I promised to look after it until home time.

I don’t know if there has ever been another time in my life where I have been responsible for $500 that doesn’t belong to me. I knew being mugged was unlikely but wasn’t sure what to do with the money to keep it safe.

It was decided to keep it at the office until the end of the day and then give it directly to the parent.

Mum came to pick up Adam that day and the moment he saw her he burst into tears.

I told him not to worry and that I would explain everything to his mum.

He said, ‘I’m not worried about getting into trouble with Mum. I’m only upset because Mum is going to be so cross with Dad. I bet she’ll probably take his money away and ground him from the horses for a long time.’

Show and tell taught me a lesson that day. I’m pretty sure Adam’s dad learned something too.

To find a new hiding place, possibly?

Image from: here.

Love That Cheeky Monkey

Monkey love see; monkey love do.

Sometimes it’s naked and running free. At other times it’s shadowing me.

Wipe, powdered and soft as a baby’s; the fat rolls and wrinkles perfect in every way.

Naked from the waist down; jiggling as he runs with jocks upon his head and socks worn as mittens.

Bending over to look for a lizard that just made a dash; plumber’s crack facing up to the sky.

Making music in the bath; bum trumpet tune makes him cackle.

Built-in padding for accidents; falling flat on his arse stops him briefly.

Watch it wiggle and jiggle; dancing to the beat.

Nudie run to the shower; if I catch it, I’ll tickle it.

I’ve powdered, kissed, washed, tickled, dressed, wiped and watched that bum.

I’ve fussed over, worried, laughed and shaken my head at those little cheeks.

It may be responsible for a number of functions, some of which are the anti of cute.

But I made that bum.

No butts about it – love my little monkey.

Top 10 Faux Pas of Kids’ Writing

Kids make people laugh on a daily basis. They’re witty without understanding why which makes it all the more thigh-slappingly humorous. Faux pas and writing gaffes by younger students are, by far, the most hilarious.

The Top 10 list includes innocent misspellings of everyday words that turn sentences into somewhat inappropriate expressions. All words have been spelt correctly except the funny word so you won’t need a translator. The italicised sentence are my thoughts upon reading these beauties.

1. The hores galloped through the rain. (horses) I hope they’re wearing their wellies.
2. When we were driving we had to follow the sins. (signs) Are you driving to hell?
3. We had to wait for three nits. (nights) I wouldn’t wait for ONE.
4. My tits got a hole in them when I fell over. (tights) Do new ones cost a lot?
5. I shared my Cock with my friend, Samantha. (Coke) Not touching this one, other than to say it was a gorgeous girl of 5 who wrote this one.
6. Daddy’s shit was blue and white striped. (shirt) Did it come out like toothpaste?
7. My mum is not a moaning person. (morning) Maybe she prefers sleep ins.
8. The race cars went fart around the track. (fast) That would make them noisy and smelly.
9. The lion was really big butt I wasn’t scared. (but) It’s not that end that scares me. It’s the other one.
10. Two great examples for the same word that I could not separate :

Dad likes eating penus. (peanuts) I need penise. (pennies). No comment needed as they are rib ticklers all on their own.

Teaching children aged between 4 and 13 for near-on two decades has taught me a thing or two.

• The English language is far too complicated for any one system to work in assisting students to learn how to read and write.
• When reading back what a young student has written it pays to have them by your side to decipher. This ensures you avoid any… ehem….’misunderstanding’.
• Practising and perfecting a poker face is essential.
• Kids always know exactly what it is they are trying to say/write even if the listener/reader hasn’t a clue.
• Universities should provide, as part of teacher training, a crash course in translation of kid-speak.

If you’ve any other doozies to share please add them below for other readers to giggle over.

A big shout out to Stuff Kids Write for providing me with laughs.

Kelly ♥

© 2013 Kelly Hibbert, all rights reserved.

Image from: here.

Love is the Pits

Making a pit stop for love.

It is customary that my boys and I make at least one trip to the school playground each week after the bell. On our way to the playground Almost 6 tells me how the boys launch themselves from the rail at the top of the slide and land with a thump on their bottoms about half way down. There’s also reluctant confessions about the chasey games they play at break times. While Almost 6 has had ample time to monkey his way across the obstacle course throughout the course of the day, this little pit stop allows Just 3 to tire himself out: climbing, sliding, swinging and jumping and sometimes falling.

Last week I had the opportunity to sit for a couple of minutes while the kids did their thing. I watched from a distance as Just 3 wanted to do everything himself. A little boy, probably 6 or 7, shouted back to his mum, ‘watch me, Mum!’ While turning to smile at the other mother in that knowing way, I thought to myself, ‘make sure you keep watching otherwise you’ll get dragged over hot coals by your son if you don’t see his amazing accomplishment.’ He proceeded to get himself up onto the top of the monkey bars as I’ve watched Almost 6 and thousands of other children do many-a-time. I willed her to show enthusiasm and wide-eyed astonishment when he mastered the manoeuvre he was attempting. ‘Please act like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen such a feat in all your life,’ I prayed. Ok, honestly, I didn’t pray but these little things are so important to our little ones….well I’m sure you get my drift.

Boy then draped his legs over the bar in front of him, placed his hands strategically then lowered his body down between the bars and let go. Hanging upside down, his hair stood on end and his shirt slipped down over his face. ‘Look, Mum! I did it!’ he said triumphantly as he tried to pull his shirt back down (or up depending on which way you want to look at it).

“OW! MY PIT how to categorise S! MUM, IT”S HURTING MY PITS! CAN YOU GET ME DOWN? IT’S KILLING MY LEG PITS!

The other mum’s on her way over while I start to laugh out loud. Leg pits? Well I never!

It’s all I can do to stop chuckling between breaths. I guess in theory this would be a good name for the backs of our knees. We have armpits after all. Why not leg pits? They do get sweaty and they have a kind of hollow to them. Best put deodorant on them after showering in future.

As for the other mother, I’m not sure if she knewmy laughter. I best be careful or Mums will start realising their kids are just fodder for my next piece of writing. I guess I won’t have to worry about being invited for a play date though!

If you’re stuck for things to write about, can I suggest you take your kids to a playground. It’ll be a win/win. Your kids will burn off some extra energy and you just never know what you’ll hear while you’re there. Maybe just don’t laugh too loud.

‘Boys are it.

Chuck ’em in the pit.

All the girls will

kiss them on the lips.’

The pit of love.

Image from: here.

Talk About Love

I love to talk.

As some of you aware I’ve nicknamed Mondays ‘Momdaze’ now.

I’m normally in somewhat of a fog and need a giggle or two to get me through the day. It seems that Just 3 was aware of this fact this morning after we had dropped Almost 6 at school. We arrived home and I was about to commence my happy dance after getting Just 3 out of the car.

He crossed his arms, put on one of his best grumpy faces and stated,

‘I not talking to you anymore Mum.’

Allow me to clarify at this point that I had done nothing to be in receipt of this kind of threat.

My response, ‘Oh well! It’s going to be a pretty quiet day then.’

2 second pause……..’Mum.’

This was my first giggle for the morning. It will be a pretty quiet day here regardless. Hopefully, though, the grumpies will disappear and we can recommence smiles and giggles for the rest of the day.

I’d love to chat but I’m off to find more funnies. I’ll talk to you later. Promise!

Image from: here.

Love the Logic of Kids

I love a logical connection.

Ok folks it’s Monday and I’m not one that likes to exist in a maudlin state. So I’m going to be seeking out the humour to bring you at the beginning of each week. My hope is to leave you smiling on Momdaze. Some will feature from the mouths of my own lovelies, some will be stolen from work and others pilfered from the public at large.

Some people read magazines at the supermarket checkout. I love observing and listening to snippets of people’s lives. Call it eavesdropping or whatever else you may. I refer to it as express lane escapism.

Recently I overheard a conversation between a mum, and what I assumed to be, her son. He would have been between 3 and 4. It went a little something like this:

‘Mum, vegetable oil comes from vegetables doesn’t it?’

‘Yes, they take the oil from lots of vegetables and put it into bottles.’

‘So peanut oil would come from peanuts?’

‘Yes, that’s right.’ (Mum looks pretty proud of her son).

‘And so that means orange oil is squeezed from oranges and olive oil is made from olives?’

‘Uh-huh.’

At this point child begins to cry with such instant force that he attracts the attention of not only his mum. Once he’s in his mother’s reassuring arms he begins to calm enough to ask between sobs, ‘So that means they squeeze all the oil out of babies to make baby oil?’

Image from: here.