A Certain Type of Love

Love of different types.

What is it about some kids that makes them more able to outwardly express their love while others are just not the cuddly type? Is there any genetic factors at play? When the environment is the same for both how can it play out so differently for each?


If they were referred to as type A and type B; I have one of each.

Type A: fiercely independent yet anxious when facing new situations, high-strung, intelligent, realistic and happy just to ‘be’ with the ones he loves.

Type B: caring, kind and generous soul, ‘shadows’ trusted adults, smart, physically displays affection often and easy going.

While the youngest has grown up in a love-rich environment, the same as which his older brother was brought home to, Just 3 has taught his older brother a thing or two. Being a naturally loving soul has increased that loving feeling exponentially in our home.

I know my child feels love. Is it possible to teach someone how to express love?

I believe that my youngest has done just that.

A desire to be equal may be the motivation for Now 6’s acts of affection. He has learned to show the closeness of the bond of love.

When I speak of love and affection with others it leaves me pondering.

For some families, love is expressed daily. On the phone, ‘love you’ ends every call. Text messages contain love or, at the very least, a heart. Love is sent across the miles in greeting cards. While for others, love is reserved and sometimes not returned. It’s felt but not spoken. A hug might convey it but is that the same?

According to Mum who is the Google of my family history, I was never a touchy-feely child. It wasn’t imposed upon me or expected. I was told I was loved but showed little desire to express the same emotions in return. It has taken me having my own children to realise how important it is for the life of my kids. Now 6 may just be a carbon copy of me but his brother, Dad and I will provide all the chances to show love that he needs.

For a life without love is no life at all.

Image from: here.


19 thoughts on “A Certain Type of Love

  1. I do wonder about environmental factors. The kids and I are very huggy-kissy-I love you kind of peeps but their dad isn’t. He does all that occasionally but certainly not several times a day like the rest of us. I’m sure the kids know he loves them, but they don’t hear it often. I hope they continue to be as expressive as they are now.

    • My boys hear the words from their dad almost every day but not so much the showing of love. They think love from him is doing things together, being involved. Mum, she just has to be there; to listen, encourage, apply bandaids and kisses.
      I also hope that mine will have soft centres as the years roll on.

  2. My son was not a snuggler and coming after my daughter, it was confusing since she was such a snuggler. Each child is his own world and it is good that you are showing your child you want to be part of his. Some just never enjoy the physical signs of love, but they sure do recognize that we love them just the same. Great post!

    • This gives me great solace.
      I know my eldest understands the concept and that we love them equally. I think growing up with a younger brother who is often cuddly he thinks he is missing out on something. It has been lovely to see him grow to express his feelings in a physical sense more than in past years.
      I hope he can continue to learn to show love more.
      Thank you for your thoughts as always.

  3. I was a first-born and to this day am not outwardly affectionate with people, except my own children. I didn’t feel a strong desire to GET hugs, nor to GIVE them. I showed my love in so many other ways however (I will drop whatever I am doing for anyone that I care about and sacrifice for them). I still don’t like a lot of touchy-feely stuff with most other people–except my own kids….which is weird. I get really annoyed if someone tries to make me more touchy-feely too!!! I think a lot of it is genetics. Such a great question to ask though, both of my boys are different as well: older son like me and younger son extremely cuddly:)

    • I am very much the same as the way you explain yourself. I am a helper too and would do pretty much anything for anyone who needs it.

      Hugs with people I don’t know very well are one thing I find funny. There’s judgment from people on the hug front if you don’t.

  4. It is amazing the difference between children – both of mine are very similar, but one is more emotional than the other. In expressing love, they are very even keeled.

  5. My gang are all different. One is definitely do not touch, and another is affectionate but sends out vibes saying I think you are stupid, my son is very touchy feely but because he’s a boy he doesn’t get the same hugs as the girls, especially from my husband, and the youngest is a big ball of love.
    In fact I am always drawn to the kids no one likes. I somehow really get them. Great post.

      • Time will tell for your little boys. I personally think boys are so affectionate. As for my baby, she has just gone today and I am feeling ridiculously lonely. I am not sure if I will post today.I have no doubt the U.S will be very good for her. She couldn’t wait to get going. Thank you so much for remembering.

  6. I’m not very good at telling my family that I love them. I do love them a lot, and they have always told me often how I am loved but don’t tell my mum enough in return. This reminds me that I should snd its important to tell people how important they are to you.

    • I understand that it’s different for everybody and that there are many ways in which love can be expressed.

      Sometimes I say it because I feel that it is expected. I hope you find a way that is comfortable for you and lets the other person know.

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  8. My daughter wasn’t much of a cuddler when she was younger either. The first two years of her life were crazy for me, with a full time job and a store to manage on the side, I averaged about 4 hours of sleep a night and sometimes I didn’t sleep at all. I feared I had ruined her. I made a change for the sake of my kids and doled out the affection in heavy doses hoping to reverse the damage my absence had caused. She is now the sweetest, most affectionate little being. She is my buddy, my little shadow and sometimes the sentiments she expresses stop me in my tracks. I gaze in wonder at this beautiful little being as the love I feel envelops my soul. What a wonderful blessing it is to be a mother!

    • A blessing indeed.
      My eldest has ‘learned’ through his environment to show more affection than what he was inclined to do naturally.
      Your decision has obviously had a major impact on your daughter. When she says those beautiful things you probably thank yourself for making the choice you did.

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