I love to hold your hands.
We hold hands when we cross the road. In the supermarket I hold your hand so you don’t take anything off the shelf and inadvertently drop it on the floor. While walking to school we hold each other’s hands so you stay close and don’t get too far ahead.
Sometimes I feel like an octopus with two tentacles suctioned on to objects. Those objects can be sticky, sweaty or just plain dirty. But I made them and I love your podgy little digits interlaced with mine (we’ll just be sure to wash before dinner). When my hands are that full of bags, drink bottles and other paraphernalia all I can offer you is my pinky which you grasp like the last lollipop left in the jar.
On weekends we divide and conquer. You both love to swap between your dad and I, taking turns to hold onto my daintier version or dad’s masculine alternative. You adore holding onto one of each and swinging through the air after we count 1, 2, 3. Wee! Double hand holding with one of us for whizzies is also an all-time-favourite. I love to see you boys holding hands with each other. Watching my eldest guide his sibling makes me sigh and smile.
When you want to run ahead I have that fleeting feeling of what it will be like when you no longer want or need to have your hand held in mine. Like the lover who leaves on the train while her one true love stands on the platform holding each other’s hand through the open window until the train slowly chugs out of the station. Their fingers slowly slip away from each other in slow motion.
Back to reality and of course there’s the hand tugging and trying to pull away. There’s the refusal and the hiding of hands behind your back, like I can’t reach them back there. The whinging and whining for me to hold your hand as we go up a flight of stairs when I’m already half way up and you’re still on the bottom step should not bother me. The day will come when I’ll be at the bottom asking for your hand.
I don’t know what I would do if I had more children than hands. If you’d like to lend a helping hand and let me know how you deal with the hand-holding scenario with 3+ children I’d love to hear all about it.
I’d love to hold your hands forever.
Image from: here.